PART ONE: As the earth 'keeps a diary' of its existence, of geological occurrences and changes over time, so does our body 'keep a diary' of our existence—of our lived experience over time. We can be aware, more or less, of our body's 'diary entries' from the experiences of living, and we can also be more or less unaware. The 'diary entries' of the body are not only about physical experiences over time (it is easy for a massage therapist to tell if a client is left or right handed for example), the body-diary has mental and emotional 'diary entries' also (empathic massage therapists can also 'read' in the client's body anger or grief or joy or serenity). An interesting thing to note and be aware of concerning the 'entries' to the body-diary, is that what 'happened in the past', and for the most part forgotten in mind and heart, is still 'happening' presently in the body; the body ‘remembers’ what the heart and mind may have forgotten (or stashed away in the 'closet' of the unconscious). Unresolved trauma from a past physical and/or emotional and/or mental event is always in some way present in the body: tension, sensitiveness, de-sensitization, ticklishness, feebleness, stiffness, chronic pain etc. Our awareness of the 'diary entries' in our bodies is of course necessary to resolve issues and come to closer a favorable state of health and well-being. Finding for yourself an empathic and skilled massage therapist can be a great help in discovering and bringing to awareness 'diary entries' in the body that point to a 'forgotten' unresolved issue of the heart/mind/body. Often the awareness of the connection of a body issue (pain), with a forgotten minor or moderate trauma is enough for the issue (pain) to begin to resolve itself, and make the visit to a massage therapist much more effective. "What is this?"—I have learned to ask myself when a physical discomfort arises that is not obviously connected to an event such as: one cookie too many, or one glass of wine too many, or packing and lifting one box too many, or pulling one weed too many in the garden. “...What is this? What is this discomfort connected to? What is the cause? Is it physical activity? Lack of physical activity? Is it emotional? Mental stress?” I began to ask myself these questions because of what happened after reading the book “Healing Back Pain—the mind body connection” by Dr. John Sarno. In this book he spoke of a chronic pain syndrome that is not caused by structural abnormalities, but rather because of psychological tension resulting in reduced blood flow limiting oxygenation to muscles. He calls the condition: Tension Myositis Syndrome or TMS. Dr. Sarno noticed in himself and in his patients a connection between TMS and repressed and/or unaccepted emotions. I was given Dr. Sarno's book by a friend who knew I was suffering from chronic and sometimes debilitating back pain. Both my father and his brother also suffered from chronic and debilitating back pain, and both had surgeries in hope of remedy, but neither surgery resulted in a ‘fix’. Yet there I was on the same path of 'going under the knife' to address my chronic condition. A condition which I was sure, as my doctor told me, and my father's and uncle's doctors told them, was due to structural abnormality in either the vertebrae or the discs in-between the vertebrae. But Dr. Sarno's book offered a clue to a real remedy, though on first read I held some skepticism until: Sitting on a bus, on my way from the radiology clinic to my doctor’s office to discuss what kind of surgery would be required for my back pain I considered again Dr. Sarno's proposal of TMS caused by an unconscious unresolved/unaccepted emotion. On this difficult bus ride, in-between wincing from the pain in my lower back every time the bus hit a bump or pothole, I fretted over the prospect of back surgery. I wondered what the x-rays of my lumbar spine would tell the Doctor: Herniated disc? Spinal stenosis? Osteoarthritis? ...Though the words “DO NOT OPEN” were printed on the manila envelope containing the x-rays, I thought, “What the hell? It’s my back!” and I opened the envelope to have a look at the x-ray images of my lumbar vertebrae. *I found myself impressed by how good the image looked; how beautiful my lumbar curve was, and how symmetrical the vertebrae and the spaces between them seemed. I noticed nothing like I had seen in the pictures my doctor showed me of x-ray examples of herniated discs or of osteoporosis, arthritis, or bone injury. My first thought, clear and firm was “There’s nothing wrong with my lumbar spine...” and my mind went to what I had read in Dr. Sarno’s book. "If I have TMS..." I thought, "...what is the unconscious emotion that could be the cause?" Within myself I asked again and again—not desperately or demandingly, but meditatively, quietly and openly. And, unexpectedly, I suddenly remembered a very strong contention between my father and I when I was in my teens. It was about my wish to be an artist, and my father, because of his experience of being raised in the Jim Crow South, could not believe that the “White man’s world” would accept and allow me, a black person, to have a successful career as an artist—that I could as a black artist support myself and raise a family, so he refused my request to go to a high school that was a prep school for an art college. I argued and pleaded my case to no avail. With this memory was a surge of feeling and I experienced and felt acutely the repressed anger that was the cause of my chronic back pain. I was mad at my dad—then and still as concerns this issue, but I until that moment I did not allow, or rather, acknowledge this emotion because I had a self imposed ‘taboo’ against being angry at my father, or that my father who in all other matters I respected, could be ‘wrong’. When I admitted (and felt) that I was angry with him—not with him as a father—but with his stubborn and limited (fearful) attitude, and allowed myself to feel and be angry (without guilt), my back pain there and then lifted away! It was like magic! And it hasn’t ever returned. This experience did take an amount of courage to look, to enquire sincerely into myself and accept and feel the emotional pain that relieved my physical pain (and even more importantly: allowed me to move into forgiveness). As a young man I thought being angry at my father who was so dedicated to his wife and offspring was disrespectful in the highest degree and therefore ‘unacceptable’. Looking back on that bus ride to my doctor, I see I had to have the courage feel, to feel my pain (and to feel my father's pain from the yoke of the ‘Jim Crow’ south he was raised in.). As the answer to “What is this pain?” means contacting and 're-living' the emotion behind the trauma resulting in TMS, take care that inner conditions and outer conditions are Sympatico Before delving in. By that I mean outwardly: there is there time and space to process—it's not crunch time at work or school, there are not pressing family obligations, there is a friend/partner who is aware and supportive etc. And inwardly: whether you are really ready; if you have the right attitude and coping skills; if you have sincere courage to feel what needs to be felt, and faith in your capacity to self-heal. In my case I had faith, was on leave from work, and had the support of the friend who gave me Dr. Sarno's book because of shared experience. (Though the relief from my chronic physical pain was sudden and immediate, the emotional 'processing' the relationship of my father and myself went on for some days.) Considering psychological injury/trauma, it is the same as physical injury/trauma: some things can't be 'fixed' or healed right away; so being patient and kind with yourself is a must. This is so for minor injuries and traumas as well as for major ones. Often do people try too fast and/or hard to recover from a physical injury/trauma, and re-injure themselves, and the same can happen with psychological injury/trauma—so again: be patient and kind with yourself. Seeing the body as a nexus of experience is understanding that our mind, our heart, our spirit or soul, the information coming from the senses, and the mystery of consciousness—all meet in the body. They all can work in harmony together and produce a meaningful and joyful life of health and vigor and empathy and compassion ...provided they are Sympatico. My repression of my anger at my dad was not Sympatico with my need to heal and be well (which includes coming to forgiveness). I didn't think anger at and love for my father could be on the 'same page' ...could harmoniously 'occupy' the same space in my heart. It is a great fortune to my health and well-being that I discovered otherwise. Healing can and does happen, but it never happens without faith, courage, patience, acceptance and some type of letting go of expectations. Having a health and wellness goal is not the same as having a health and wellness expectation. Having a goal means stepping presently, with faith and confidence, into discovering whatever your best health and wellness will be from your sincere and steady work/practice of being Sympatico with your body, your mind, your heart, your spirit/soul, your Human Consciousness; having an expectation of what your best health and wellness is supposed to be will divorce you from your actual self—it instead creates a dream-self (I'm ok, I'm not angry, hurt, sad etc.) ...and this dream-self can never be Sympatico with your actual health and well being. The ability to 'embrace it all' is definitely a positive sign that health and well-being has been achieved, and the nexus of experience that is our Human Body is where this 'embracing' happens. Ever in hope of your health and well-being, h. *I am not at all advocating self-diagnosis. I didn't and don't today know what to look for in an x-ray. I just thought that what I saw of the x-ray of my lumbar gave an impression of structural beauty, and that gave me the impetus to consider again what I read in Dr. Sarno's book. My doctor later confirmed examining my x-rays that my back was fine. Please don't take the impression that I am against surgery as a remedy for structural conditions of bone and flesh and organs. I am not. I am only saying a pain in the body may not be due to structural injury, and might be psychologically induced.
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AuthorI am Hani'a "Hummingbird" Abram, Massage therapist , Reiki practitioner/Faith healer. ArchivesCategories |